How do you love?

by graur razvan ionut at freedigitalphotos.net
by graur razvan ionut at freedigitalphotos.net

For those of you that know me, you know all about the struggles I have had with love.  I have been in relationships that were unhealthy and abusive in more ways than one.  I have been self-conscious, had low self esteem and never thought I was good enough to have someone who truly loved ME.  I have always felt like the best I would ever have would be someone who is just there so that I am not alone.  

The sad thing about that is that I allowed that to go on for so long.  I allowed myself to believe that I wasn’t worth more than that.  I allowed myself to think that no one would ever want me more than the current abusive lover because there was obviously something wrong with me.  If the father of my children couldn’t love me unconditionally, I was obviously not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not a good enough love or housewife.  

It took me about a year and a half after him and I split to realize what kind of person I needed in my life.  I needed someone who has experienced the same types of things as me.  Someone whose life had prepared them for me just as mine had prepared me for them.  It’s funny when I think about all of the things that I have learned about myself as well as about others.  

I was just talking last night to my wonderful cousin, Liz.  Liz and I are so completely different yet so much alike.  She has opened my eyes to how differently understand people that are not quite what I might expect.  She’s taught me not only understanding but compassion.  She’s taught me how to learn and broaden my horizon.  I wasn’t always close to Liz, but over the past couple of years, she has become one of my best friends.  Thanks to my opening myself up to really KNOW her, she has helped me to really understand and KNOW an amazing man that has come into my life.

I have met someone who changes the way I see everything.  He changes the way I think about everything.  He shows me how to live, how to love and how to cherish every moment.  He teaches me how to not take for granted the most simple things.  He’s completely changed the way I love.  

I’ve always thought that I deserved love and deserved happiness, but he has taught me that no one deserves any of that.  Not taking those things as if I am owed them makes them so much sweeter when I get them.  I strangely chose to pick up the book The Five Love Languages a few weeks ago (which is not a book I would normally read) and imagine my surprise when he mentioned the book.  I had not looked at it much, but picked it up in hopes that I might one day read it and somewhat benefit from it.  I’m not a religious person at all, but he is a pretty spiritual man.  We are currently working on the test in the back of the book that tells you what your love languages are in order from most to least important.  I’ve never experienced such a caring love before.  Someone really wants to know everything about me just because they love me and it’s pretty amazing.  

I’ve learned that love knows no religion.  Love feels no burden.  Love has no boundaries.  I love with an open mind, an open heart and an open soul.  How do you love?  

I am a Crunchy Mama of 5 rowdy boys, stepmama to 1 girl and have another sweet girl on the way! I also gave birth to a baby girl in January 2016 for an awesome couple as their surrogate. I married my awesome husband, Brian in October 2016 and we are located in a little city outside of Dallas, Texas. I am a jill-of-many-trades. I run a laundry service, do custom sewing and even sell lactation cookies to my locals. I love to shop at thrift stores, take showers without an audience and spend time dreaming of a life off the grid! Follow me on Instagram for behind-the-scenes photos in the life of my crunchy family!