I am a mom of many and sometimes I laugh at myself when I realize some of the things I think and say.
Have you ever misplaced your baby? You are folding laundry or doing the dishes and you turn to look at that sweet face in the swing, but they aren’t there. You check the floor in the living room. Not there. Did she roll under? I bend down… Hmm. What is that that just brushed against my si- OOooooh. There’s the baby. On my back. Sleeping. Just fine. Not rolled under a couch. I’m not a terrible mother after all.
It’s even worse when I ask one of my kids where the baby is when I am nursing her. They have no sympathy. They just laugh at me.
“Hey Char- Chev- Rem- Whatever your name is. Stop drinking your chocolate milk with a spoon. Do you enjoy creating messes for me?!”
Why do you all have to look related and be equally obnoxious? I’m too outnumbered for this…
I have to count in my head how many kids I have when people ask. “Are they all yours?” Uhhh, I think so.
I also have to do a head count when I leave places so I am not leaving anyone behind. I don’t want to be THAT family on the news.
When I go grocery shopping it’s like, “Are you preparing for the apocalypse next week?” Oh, no. I just have 4627 kids and school is out for the summer. (number is an exaggeration; subtract 4,620)
I start shopping for the next Christmas the day after Christmas. I mean, clearance is literally my favorite word. This past year, I got a new tree for 90% off!
“Mom! My underwear have holes in them. Should I throw these away?” Are you kidding me? They made it through your 3 older brothers. Surely they can make it to your younger brother as well. A draft is good for your nether region anyhow.
While we’re here, y’all are going to have to share this baby clothes quilt. Maybe it can be like the Brotherhood of the Traveling Quilt? We could turn that into a movie!
Good thing is, with a lot of kids, I have a higher chance of one of them becoming rich to take care of me when I am old and senile.
Thank you, everyone! I’ll be here til they all turn 18!